


There's Nothing Quite Like Old War Buddies

by gayfranzkafka



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: M/M, an AU of chapter nine of Something's Gotta Give, and invite him to dinner without realizing just what exactly they're doing, in which Tommy & Lucy are friends with Trapper, it's unhinged please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayfranzkafka/pseuds/gayfranzkafka
Summary: An unhinged dinner party in which B.J. and Hawkeye donotexpect to end up dinning with Hawkeye's ex boyfriend, the one and only Trapper McIntyre.
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 33
Kudos: 60





	There's Nothing Quite Like Old War Buddies

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically an absolutely unhinged AU of Chapter Nine of my ongoing B.J./Hawkeye post-finale fic, Something's Gotta Give, but you don't really need to have read that one to understand this one. All you gotta know is Hawkeye's visiting B.J. in San Francisco, they just got together, and Tommy & Lucy are B.J.'s childhood friends (different Tommy than from "Sometimes You Hear The Bullet.") Enjoy!

Hawkeye and B.J. knock on Tommy and Lucy’s door, bottle of non-alcoholic seltzer in hand, ready to party. “I’ll get it!” they hear someone call, muffled through the door. Hawkeye feels a bit of nerves at the thought of meeting two of B.J.’s close friends, but mostly he’s excited. The feeling of nervous anticipation quickly changes to dread, though, when it’s not Tommy or Lucy that opens the door but **Trapper**. As in, Trapper McIntyre; as in, Hawkeye’s old roommate. As in, the guy who broke his heart. Hawkeye feels like someone’s poured a bucket of cold water on him. He just stands there, open-mouthed. He _must_ be dreaming. What sort of sick joke is the universe playing on him? Trapper looks nearly as confused as Hawkeye, but not nearly as emotionally overwrought. “Hey, Hawkeye,” Trapper says. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Wait, you two know each other?” B.J. says. He looks bemused. Hawkeye finds himself unable to respond.

“Boy do we ever,” Trapper says. Then he claps B.J. on the shoulder, turning to Hawkeye and saying, “This guy! Asking if we know each other!”

They’re all three of them still standing in the doorway, Trapper not having ushered them in, and Hawkeye still being in too much shock to make any headway in the conversation, let alone enter the apartment. By this point, Lucy and Tommy have both made their way over to the doorway as well.

“What’s the holdup?” Tommy says. Turning to B.J. and Hawkeye, he says, “Trapper was in the neighborhood and stopped by, so I invited him to stay for dinner as well. We hope you don’t mind.”

“Wait a minute,” B.J. says, smiling in a way that Hawkeye knows means he is very, very unhappy. “ _You’re_ Trapper. As in, _the_ Trapper?”

Trapper gives Hawkeye a kind of devious grin. “Wait, am I _the_ Trapper, Hawk?”

“Well, how many guys named ‘Trapper’ do any of us tend to know?” Hawkeye tries to say it very casually, but it comes out sounding kind of strangled.

At this point, Lucy and Tommy have picked up on the tension and are kind of looking between Trapper, Hawkeye, and B.J. Only Trapper still doesn’t seem to really realize that everyone around him is feeling increasingly awkward. “Wait, you two know each other?” Tommy says.

“Oh, do they ever,” B.J. says, echoing Trapper and laughing slightly in that very concerning way that he has, the way he laughs when he thinks something isn’t actually very funny at all.

“We’re old war buddies,” Trapper says, reaching out and putting a hand on Hawkeye’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Hawk! I had no idea _you_ were the one coming for dinner. If I had known, I might not have stuck around,” he adds, joking, as Hawkeye once again feels himself at an absolute loss for what to say. “Kidding, kidding! It’s good to see you.”

“Why doesn’t everyone come on in,” Lucy says. “There’s no need for us all to stand here gabbing in the hallway. I’ve got drinks for everyone inside.”

“Boy do I ever need one,” B.J. says, pushing past Hawkeye and Trapper, and making his way into the house.

“I meant non-alcoholic drinks,” Lucy says as she ushers him into the living room. “Since when are you off the wagon?”

“Since about two minutes ago,” B.J. tells her, their voices fading as they make their way further into the apartment. Tommy stands uncertainly in the doorway a minute longer. Hawkeye says nothing, hoping Tommy will get the hint and give him a minute alone with Trapper, to say—what? He has no idea what he wants to say to Trapper, but certain he’s got _something_ to say.

But Tommy, instead of leaving the two of them alone, claps Hawkeye on the back and says, “Well, why don’t you come on in?” Hawkeye can’t tell if Tommy is oblivious to the obvious tension or merely determined not to let it ruin the evening. Not that it’s going to ruin the evening. Because Hawkeye is as determined as ever to charm B.J.’s friends, Trapper be damned.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Lucy is pouring B.J. a non-alcoholic drink, after having told him that she refuses to aid and abet him in falling off the wagon. As she hands it over, she says, “So, what’s all the fuss with Trapper?”

B.J. takes a sip of his drink, stalling. He’d written to Tommy and Lucy throughout the war. Sometimes he’d write to them both, sometimes to just one of them, depending what in particular he was writing about. He tended to detail his pranks to Tommy more, to allude more to interpersonal problems in his letters to Lucy. But still, he’d never quite been able to write Trapper’s name in a letter to her. Because he’d never quite come out to her, and so his jealousy about Trapper, which he knows is insane, would have appeared all the more insane.

“Well,” B.J. says. “Um. Trapper is Hawkeye’s old roommate.”

“Uh huh,” Lucy says. “And that’s a problem _because_ …?”

“I never said it was a problem,” B.J. says, still smiling at her like nothing’s wrong.

“Well, you certainly _look_ like it. And didn’t you just ask me for a stiff drink not a minute ago?”

“Hmm,” B.J. says, fidgeting nervously. “Well. You know. I just worry… well, I think Hawkeye might’ve liked Trapper more than me, is all.”

“Liked Trapper more than you?” Lucy says. “ _That_ Trapper? Are you sure you’re not confusing him for someone else?”

“What do you mean, _that_ Trapper? It’s definitely _that_ Trapper.”

“Well, it’s just… what did Hawkeye ever say, that made you think he likes Trapper more?”

“Well, there was something about tongue depressors…” B.J. starts, but finds himself unable to continue when he sees the look Lucy’s giving him. The more he tries to explain it, the more ludicrous it sounds, but B.J.’s not ready to give up this fight. “You kind of had to be there,” he says. “It was bad. Trust me.”

“Uh huh,” Lucy says again, looking unconvinced.

But then, mercifully, before Lucy can interrogate him further, Tommy sticks his head into the kitchen. “Hey,” he says cheerfully. “We’ve got two other guests out here, whenever you two feel you’d like to rejoin the party.”

“We’d love to rejoin the party,” Lucy says. “Right, B.J.?”

“Right,” he says, following her out in the kitchen.

When Tommy makes his brief exit to the kitchen, Hawkeye takes the opportunity to whisper to Trapper, “Old war buddies? Is _that_ what we were?”

“What did you want me to say in front of mixed company?” Trapper says.

Before Hawkeye can answer, though, Tommy, Lucy, and B.J. make their way into the living room, Lucy carrying some hors d'oeuvres, B.J. carrying some sort of cranberry drink. B.J. makes a beeline for Hawkeye, goes to put his arm possessively around his waist, then seems to realize they’re not out to the present company, and settles for standing unnecessarily close to him without actually touching him. Trapper, once again, seems to notice none of this. He turns to B.J. and says, “Say, where’d ya get that drink? I’d like to scare one up myself.”

“I made it for him,” Lucy says. “Would you like one?”

“Just what exactly is it?” Trapper says. In his curiosity, he seems to forget any sense of social propriety (or maybe he never had any to begin with), and he takes the drink right out B.J.’s hands, holding it up and sniffing it.

The look that B.J. gives Trapper, then, is indescribably icy. “Is _that_ where you picked up that little habit of yours?” B.J. mutters to Hawkeye.

“What little habit?” Trapper says, handing the glass back over to B.J., who takes it very reluctantly. “Lucy, I think you might’ve messed that cocktail up. I’m not getting even a whiff of alcohol.”

“I didn’t mess it up,” Lucy says. “We’re not serving any alcohol tonight.”

“Not serving any alcohol?” Trapper says. “Good thing I brought my own.” Before anyone can stop him, he pulls out a flask from his pocket and takes a swig.

Lucy looks torn between not wanting to out B.J.’s drinking problem without his permission, and not wanting Trapper to drink in front of B.J. She gives B.J. a sort of questioning side glance, and he shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. She seems to pick up on it, though, and just sighs.

Matters are made worse when Trapper then holds out the flask to B.J. and says, “You want some in your drink? Just say the word. I love to share.”

“I’m sure you do,” B.J. says sharply. Hawkeye elbows him in the side. _What does that even mean?_ , Hawkeye thinks. _He’s already bitter to the point of incoherency._

Trapper gives B.J. a puzzled look. “So do you want some, or…?”

“He’s fine,” Hawkeye says. Then, he reaches over and takes the flask from Trapper, saying, “I’ll have some, though.”

“Do you really think…” B.J. starts.

“It’s fine, Beej,” Hawkeye says, grimacing as he takes a swig and swallows. “Special occasion.”

“Is this a special occasion?” B.J. says.

“Sure,” Hawkeye says, giving him a measured look. “I’m meeting your friends.”

“We’re so glad to meet you,” Lucy says, very purposefully interjecting herself into the conversation, in an attempt to head off whatever weird energy her three guests have got going on. “We’ve heard so much about you from B.J.”

“But nothing about me from Trapper?” Hawkeye says, absolutely too casually, before he takes another swig. At this point, B.J. leans over and gently but firmly pulls the flask out of Hawkeye’s hands. He almost looks like he’s going to take a shot himself, but then he passes it back to Trapper without a word.

Trapper, after taking back the flask, says, “Aw, you know, I didn’t want to bore Tommy and Lucy with war stories.”

“Close your eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist, huh?” Hawkeye says.

For the first time that night, the comment seems to cut through to Trapper, to tap into some emotion he doesn’t want tapped into. He gives Hawkeye a sharp look, but then the easy smile comes back onto his face and says, “Hey, we all made it out in the end, huh? Come on, you still haven’t really told me who this guy is.”

“He’s an old war buddy,” Hawkeye says, looking Trapper dead in the eyes.

“Oh, really?” Trapper says, raising an eyebrow at B.J. almost salaciously. “You two play doctor together during the war?” Then, realization dawning on his face, he adds, “Hey, you weren’t the guy they sent to replace me, were you?”

“The one and only,” B.J. says, giving Trapper a tight-mouthed smile that somehow looks at once like a grin and a grimace.

“Was he any good, Hawk?” Trapper says.

“I’d even dare to say he was better than you.”

“Why don’t we all make our way to dining room?” Lucy says. “There’s no need for us to stand around, and dinner should be ready to serve at this point. Why don’t we all sit down and relax a little?” The last sentence comes out almost a little too pointedly, and, even though she’s just met him, she places a hand on Hawkeye’s elbow and begins to physically steer him out from where he’s standing between Trapper and B.J.

Trapper follows Lucy and Hawkeye into the dining room; as B.J. starts to do so, too, Tommy comes up beside him and half whispers, “You good, man?”

“Me? I’m fine. It’s nice, you know. Guess I’m not the only one reuniting with old friends tonight.”

Tommy gives B.J. a look indicating that, as B.J.’s oldest friend, he can tell that B.J. is decidedly not fine. But, as they’re already made their way into the dining room with everyone else, he doesn’t say anything.

Tommy and Lucy take their places at the heads of the table. That leaves two chairs on one side and one chair on the other. Hawkeye goes to sit down on the side with two chairs. Trapper and B.J. both immediately move to sit next to him. Trapper, having entered the room first, manages to sit down before realizing B.J. is right behind him, clearly having also intended to sit there.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Trapper says, moving to get back up. “Didn’t realize… A little greedy, though, don’t you think? Seeing as you spent the last… how many years was it? With him? And I haven’t seen the guy in years.”

“And just who’s fault, exactly, was that,” Hawkeye mutters.

At the same time, B.J. says, too graciously, “Oh, no. _Please_ take the chair.”

Trapper shrugs, sitting back down. “This way you can play footsie with him,” he says to B.J. At this, Tommy, who has been doing his best to keep his composure, lets out a snort, seemingly almost spitting out his drink. Trapper turns to Tommy and says, “I mean, have you gotten a load of that guy’s size thirteens?”

“I knew the guy growing up, remember?” Tommy says. “I’m fully aware of his size thirteens.”

“Don’t tell me _you two_ played doctor,” Trapper says, leaning over and elbowing Tommy. “Jeez, you’re gonna make me jealous.”

Tommy coughs into his drink. “Uh, no, nothing like that.”

Hawkeye, who doesn’t know Tommy at all, but who _does_ know Trapper, and who remembers an earlier comment from B.J. about his crush on Tommy growing up, pieces two things together very quickly: one, he realizes that Tommy is gay and is out to Trapper but not to B.J.; and two, he realizes that _Trapper_ doesn’t realize this. This is confirmed when Trapper says, “You’re telling me you _never_ made a pass on a guy as good looking as this one here?”

Everyone just looks at Trapper in total silence for a moment. Trapper, upon being greeted with this reaction to his comment, seems to only then realize that not everyone at dinner is out to each other. “Oh, well, I mean—“ he starts, clearly scrambling for a way to play it off as a joke.

“Wow, Trap,” Hawkeye says, unable to contain himself, “you’ve really dug yourself a hole deeper than the one we trapped Frank in that one time.” Across the table, B.J. gives him a look that says, _After this whole mess is over with we **are** going to have to unpack whatever incident you just alluded to._ Hawkeye considers letting Trapper scramble a little more, because it’s so rare to see the man at a loss for words. But Hawkeye realizes that, more than he wants to relish Trapper having talked himself into a corner that he doesn’t know how to talk himself back out of, more than he wants an apology from Trapper about how things ended between them—what he really wants isn’t anything to do with Trapper anymore. What he wants is a nice night with B.J. and his friends.

So he leans across the table and says to Tommy, “You know, I have to agree with Trapper on this one. I can’t believe you never made a pass on a guy as good looking as B.J., but maybe that’s a good thing, because then I might have ruined the night being jealous over some ridiculous thing that happened years ago.” As he says this last part, he gives B.J. a light kick under the table.

Tommy and Lucy give each other a look, realization dawning on their faces. “Wait, so you—“ Tommy starts, looking between Hawkeye and B.J. Then, yet _another_ realization dawning on his face, he adds, “And _you two_ …,” now motioning between Hawkeye and Trapper.

Hawkeye laughs. “Please don’t let the ratio of people in this room that I’ve slept with give you the wrong idea about the type of girl that I am. It’s a skewed representation.”

“I don’t know, Hawk,” Trapper says, “you were pretty harlotous back when I knew you.” Trapper’s smiling his crooked smile that Hawkeye still knows so well. Part of his heart breaks a little, realizing that. Realizing that he’s the one who made Trapper smile like that, realizing that that smile is as close as Trapper can come to saying, _Thanks for getting me out of this mess._

But then Hawkeye smiles back at Trapper. Because it’s nice, actually. He realizes that this man who he spent years torn up over—who he spent years worrying had forgotten about him, had never cared about him—seeing Trapper in person, it’s clear that was never true. It’s clear Trapper cared. It’s just that Trapper was never good with words. Trapper always wanted to close his eyes and have it all go away. And maybe he didn’t exit gracefully from Hawkeye’s life. Maybe he could have found a better way to say goodbye, and maybe he does owe Hawk an apology.

But Hawk doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t need to be hung up on how and why things ended with Trapper, because he’s got B.J. now. And somehow, seeing Trapper again, seeing that smile, but with B.J. right there across the table—Hawkeye’s able to see what he and Trapper meant to each other. How they were there right in the very beginning, when neither of them had any idea how to cope with the situation they’d been thrown into, do the surgeries they were expected to do, and not go insane. How they did their best to figure it out together. He’s able to hold onto the good of what their relationship brought him, how it made the war bearable, and to forget where they failed each other, where they couldn’t say what they needed to or act the way they should have.

So Hawkeye smiles back at Trapper, and then he turns and looks at B.J., and he gives him a look that he hopes says everything he can’t say out loud right now. And he knows that it’s okay, that he’ll have time to put it into words later. For now, all he says is, “I’m a changed man. Finally found someone that made me want to settle down.”

“That’s nice,” Trapper says, and he looks like he means it. “Couldn’t be me, though. I intend to continue my bachelorhood well past my prime.”

“Aren’t you married?” B.J. says.

“On paper,” Trapper says. “Much like some other people I know,” he adds, giving Tommy and Lucy a significant look.

“Outing me once tonight wasn’t enough for you, huh?” Tommy says to Trapper, but he’s laughing.

Trapper laughs a little helplessly. “Would you believe me if I told you I really thought we all already knew? Fucking room as full of fruits as this one and you blame _me_ for not knowing the rest of you were still playing at repression?”

Somehow, this does it. The tension in the room evaporates as everyone kind of comes out to everyone else at once. Tommy and Lucy’s lavender marriage, Hawkeye and B.J.’s newly begun romance, but one that was years in the making—they spill it all. They even laugh over Trapper and Hawkeye’s past, and the rest of the night is spent in happy conversation.

Finally, around one in the morning, Hawkeye and B.J. say their goodbyes and make their way out of the apartment. Hawkeye can’t resist telling Trapper, “Don’t forget to write,” as they leave.

Trapper responds by pretending to swat Hawkeye on the head and saying, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll send you a postcard when I find work,” and then B.J. and Hawkeye are finally out of the apartment and onto the street, alone.

“You know,” B.J. says, taking Hawkeye’s arm and leaning into him as they make their way down the stairs outside the apartment, “I can’t blame you for going after a guy like Trapper. He’s pretty cute.”

Hawkeye groans. “You did _not_ just tell me you think my ex is cute.”

“Who’s jealous now?” B.J. says, laughing. “Worried I’m going to run off and leave you?”

“Don’t do that. Then I’d have to find comfort in the arms of the only other person I know in this city, aka Tommy, your childhood friend, and things would get very messy from there.”

B.J. laughs as they make their way down the sidewalk to his bike. “Can you imagine?”

“No, I can’t,” Hawkeye says. “Come on, why don’t you quit talking and take me home?”

“I’d like nothing better,” B.J. says. He climbs onto his bike, and Hawkeye climbs on behind, wrapping his arms around B.J. and leaning his head on his shoulder. B.J. still remembers the first time they did this, when Hawkeye was so convinced they were mere minutes from their final farewell. All these years that B.J. spent worrying Hawkeye wouldn’t pick him, given the chance; worrying that he was just a replacement, a wartime balm. And now here Hawkeye is, in B.J.’s hometown, leaving the party with him, asking B.J. to take him home. _I’m home, and he’s still here_ , B.J. thinks. _Isn’t that just the damndest thing?_ He realizes that he’s done worrying about everything that happened in their pasts. All he cares about now is what comes next.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmaoooo thanks for reading & comments & kudos are appreciated!


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